A chat with Stacey

Meet Stacey, a 41-year-old mum of three children; Jade, 19, Nathan, 14 and Phoenix, 10-months.

Stacey

She lives in Derbyshire with her partner Rich, and they have been together for four and a half years. Stacey works as a supervisor and is currently on maternity leave, which she is totally loving.

She is a keen walker and enjoys running, which she’s hoping to get back into when she gets a bit more sleep.

She loves being a Mum again, especially because she wasn’t sure it would happen. Rich and Stacey tried for 6+ months to conceive and then sadly had a miscarriage. They were left wondering if that was their only chance and Stacey felt like she could almost hear her ‘clock’ ticking. Fortunately, just a month later, Stacey was pregnant again.

Below Stacey told me more about her experience of being a ‘geriatric mum’ so grab a cuppa and read on…

At what age did you have your first baby? 21

At what age did you have your last baby? 40

How did people react when you told them you were pregnant with your ‘over 40’ baby? I had lots of congratulations and people were generally pleased for me. I had a few people (that I barely know) ask if it was planned! I was shocked by the cheek of that question and found it very rude. I answered with a confident “Yes, very much so” but in my head I was like “it is non of your f#####g business!!

Stacey Pregnant with Phoenix, aged 40

Describe how it felt/feels to be an older (geriatric) mum? I love it! I feel wiser, I am more sure of myself and I am much more chilled than before. I truly relish every little thing my baby does because I understand how quickly time flies.

Stacey’s sound and supportive advice for other older mums is this:

Don’t worry about what others think of you being an older mum. I must admit I found pregnancy really tiring in the early days, but I kept reminding myself that nothing lasts forever. Pregnancy yoga throughout your pregnancy is great, because it can really help with the breathing part of labour and it helps to keep you calm.

Get as much support as you can from anyone, and do antenatal classes and get out there to meet other mums. I attended NCT classes and we have a whatsapp group that we chat on almost daily, we often meet up for coffee and there is even the odd night out – a must! My advice would be to read lots of baby books but only use the advice that feels right for you, enjoy your maternity leave and time with your baby and only go back to work when feel 100% ready.

Stacey and her beautiful Phoenix (3-months here)

Thanks to Stacey for sharing her story on geriatric mum, I am so glad that she had her happy ending after miscarriage. Do make sure you are following geriatric mum on social media:

Instagram

facebook Page

and the fab facebook group

Lucy x

Five feel good tips

As a make-up artist and confidence coach I am always asked for my top feel good tips and my top tips for make-up and skincare. Whilst I am not a dermatologist, I do know a fair bit about having good skin and I have a few tricks up my sleeve for making your skin look gorgeous without too much hassle. I am ALL about the non-hassle quick fixes (I’m a busy mum of 3) and below I am sharing 5 things that I do and that I recommend to women that I work with. (products mentioned are my personal recommendations)

  1. Skincare routine – as we age our skin needs much more attention. Top tips are to use a facial SPF50 daily, to keep age-spots, unwanted pigmentation and fine lines to a minimum. Apply to the backs of your hands and the neck and chest area, too. Ditch the make-up wipes (most are too scratchy and harsh) and use a gentle micellar water to remove make-up and a creamy cleanser to cleanse and gently exfoliate the skin. Do a home face-steam once a week to cleanse out the pores and hydrate the skin. Look for products that are hydrating – dry skin can look extra ageing so make an extra effort to add hydration back in, and that doesn’t just mean an extra blob of moisturiser!
  2. Sunglasses – you might not have time to do any kid of make-up first thing, especially if you are organising the school run – so my top tip is to buy a fab pair of sunnies and wear them as much as you can. Sunglasses, even in winter, hide tired eyes and can really zhoosh up an outfit (jeans, trainers, long cardi standard here) and make you feel a little bit more pulled together. Team the glasses with a bright lipstick and you will look as though you have had all the time in the world to get ready – when actually it has been a chaotic 3-mins tops.
  3. Yoga and Strrrrretch – at the end of a day my back and hips are often a bit stiff, my muscles are achey and I realise I feel tense – that’s 3 kids and working for myself for ya! My top tip for you is to stretch every single night and do some yoga. 30-mins stretching is all you need to do to ease muscles, lengthen the spine and wave goodbye to any tension from the day. You will need 1 x yoga mat – which gives a bit of grip, your smart phone – to play some relaxation music*, a dark room – so you can start to get sleepy and 30-mins of your time. I pretty much make up a ‘routine’ as I go along – I do some simple yoga poses and stretches (downward facing dog, child, cat – have I confused you? If so, google them) and then I just stretch out the areas that feel a bit tight and sore, usually my hips, neck and shoulders – understandable after having 3 babies and carrying kids around, right? Oh, remember to get fully ready for bed before you do this mini-chill session, so that when you are finished you can climb straight into bed whilst crossing your fingers and toes and praying that non of your kids wake up! *Choose any 30-min relaxation music and play softly next to the mat.
  4. Hand Cream – do your hands look like sand-paper? As I typed that I just looked at my rough hands and ran for my hand cream. Top tip – apply lots of hand cream throughout the day and even more at night. As a new mum (again) I remember what a state my hands got into with the girls and here I am again. It is the constant washing after nappy changes, baths, bottle prep etc and they do get dry, like reeeeally dry. My fave hand products are 1) pharmacy olive oil for an overnight treatment (rub into nails too) 2) Aveda Hand Relief which smells incredible and is not greasy 3) For extra dry hands, I recommend Udder Cream – yes! you read that correctly, and it really works – the brand I use is Battles and I buy it online 4) a pair of cotton gloves – you might look like the queen, but wearing these at night will help your dry hands if you apply a thick layer of moisturiser before on popping them on
  5. I have to get a make-up one in here so my last top tip is a liquid highlighter. Before you panic, I am not talking about instagram style tin-man frosting all over your face, ohhhh no. I am talking about a subtley highlighted face that gives you a youthful glow. I love 1) Benefit High Beam 2) Becca Shimmering Skin Perfector, but do shop around and look for one that is sheer yet sheeny, almost dewy. Apply to the high points of the face – cheek bones, bridge of nose, upper lip and chin – and also on any frown lines to help the area look hydrated and to bounce the light away. You must blend it in very well.

I have a load more tips to share, but there is absolutely NO point writing down 20+ tips in one blog post. The reason being that you are less likely to attempt even one of them and I want to inspire you to feel good and try these things out, so I’ve just shared 5.

The reason I added yoga and stretching to my list and not ‘exercise’ in general, is because we all know we should be exercising, but we don’t all like it and one-size definitely doesn’t fit all. I wanted to suggest something that I have found to make a big difference to my sleep, my mood and my body and something that anyone of any size, ability and strength can really benefit from.

So, here’s to getting older and not feeling quite as creaky and dry-skinned as maybe we once did.

Lucy (aka Geriatric Mum)

If you want to join my facebook group We Are Geriatric Mums (for mums, want-to-be mums, pregnant women over the age of 35) click here

Follow me on Insta @Geriatric_Mum

My work accounts are; Insta @she_coaches_confidence facebook Lucy Baker She Coaches Confidence

Being an older mum

I’m sitting in the Athletic’s club bar whilst my 9-year-old daughter is at training outside in the (nearly) dark. The other kids are at home. I have been wanting to write a bit about what it is really like to be an older mum, but I usually don’t have the time to write. It’s busy. Three kids is busy. Earlier I posted on instagram about the kind of things I have filled my day with, check my insta out to see more about that, I won’t bore you here with it.

I am a mum of three. They are 9, 6 and 8-months. I had my babies at 34, 37 and 43. I am classed, by some, as a ‘geriatric’ mum, an ‘older’ mum, a ‘too old’ mum, an ‘are you crazy’ mum! These labels mean nothing to me, because I know how I feel about being a ‘new’ mummy again in my forties.

Lucy Baker Older Mum Geriatric Mum
I am 43. He is 8-months. I am an OLDER MUM

I am loving it. I am loving baby number three. And I will tell you why. I am waaaay more relaxed as an older mum. I am calmer, more in tune with myself, happier and I guess I have more experience with 2 kids under my belt. I have let routines pretty much fall into place and I don’t get stressed when my babe won’t sleep, or eat. I guess that comes from experience. I certainly wasn’t like that when I was 34 with our first born. I read too many books, panicked a bit and didn’t feel like I could trust the process.

I now trust the process and this, for me, comes with age, experience and not worrying about what others think of me, of my parenting.

Being an older mum is SUCH a privilege. I really do feel lucky that I have been able to add to our family. I fell pregnant pretty quickly (one hit wonder!) and I gave birth to our little boy at 40+6. The girls were 41-weeks and 41+3-weeks. I’m lucky.

I’m not going to go into the birth story. I haven’t published it and I am not sure I will. It wasn’t an easy birth, and the truth is I am still trying to piece it together. For me though, I focus on the now and I am so utterly chuffed that the baby boy I had back in January 2019, is in our lives.

Not all women have success stories. I run a group on facebook called We are Geriatric Mums and there have been some really sad situations. Mums, pregnant women, want-to-be mums go through so so much and not all of it ends happily.

We are constantly being told of the ‘risks’ of having a baby over the age of 35; gestational diabetes (GD), miscarriage, high blood pressure, birth defects… and others. I was tested for GD, it was negative. I didn’t have high blood pressure. I didn’t have a miscarriage. Was I lucky? I don’t know. My geriatric pregnancy can’t be compared to anyone else’s, can it? It was my pregnancy and my baby. It can’t be compared to a pregnancy at a different time of my life either, can it? All pregnancies are different. But ‘they’ do say that, statistically, the risks are higher when you are an older mum.

Luckily I wasn’t a stat.

Being an older mum is, shock horror, just like being a younger mum, or a 32 year old mum. It is the same. I feel the same. I don’t feel THAT creaky or exhausted or like I am past it. I feel good as an older mum. I think the biggest difference for me this time around is, that I am calmer. I am kinder to myself, too, and as a result I think I am making a better job of being a mummy to a new baby. I kinda know this time around what works for teething (anbesol), I feel like I know what toys my baby likes (anything shiny, wooden spoons and an ugly plastic walker), and I don’t panic if we run out of nappies or if I go out without a pile of baby paraphenalia – I know now that the world won’t end.

I also don’t own a changing bag, I repeat, I don’t own a changing bag! I know, I know. Instead, I have a cool backpack, with zippy pockets and a separate little cool-bag that is designed for bottles. And that is it. As an older mum I recognise that you don’t need all the shit. Don’t get me wrong, I do buy baby stuff, stuff that I find useful. What I don’t do is look like a walking version of a baby store like I did with baby number one and two. I had so much stuff I didn’t use or need, I mean, I had a snot sucker for my first born and never used it.

I’m much more relaxed and as a result I am loving being an older mum. When I first told people I was pregnant at 42, I had a mixed reaction and some of it did hurt. But now, if anyone says “wow you are going to be 47 when he starts school” I think, what a privilege. What an honour. Who cares if the greys will be sprouting and that I could be 20-years older than some of the other mums, perhaps even 25-years older – who cares.

If you are reading this and are thinking of having a baby, or are about to have a baby, or have lost a baby and you are older, my only advice to you is to ignore what other people say. Follow your instinct and believe in yourself. Older mums are NOT too old. I am 43. I had my third baby at 43. And that is ok. I am ok with that. People ask me if I am ‘coping this time around’ – and the answer is yes. People ask me if I am ‘exhausted’ -and the answer is yes, to a degree, but it is NO different to when I had the girls at 34 and 37. Having a new baby is tiring. But that is okay. Motherhood is tiring, but it is wonderful, too.

If you want to connect and ask me anything about being an OLDER MUM, find me on instagram here, I’d love to connect.

Lucy x