A chat with Katy

Despite lots of heartache and some bad news along the way, Katy is a proud mother to five wonderful children, the last were born when she was 42. Katy has been a young mother and a ‘geriatric’ mum too, and here she shares about the ups and downs she has been through in life which have made her the strong confident woman she is today. Katy’s story is honest and wonderful and I am proud she is a long-standing member of my Geriatric Mum community. Here is her story.

Name Katy Pugh

Age 44

Tell us about yourself and your kids…

I was 19 when I fell pregnant with my first. I thought I was in love, I wasn’t. We had Imogen 9-days after my 20th birthday, in 1996. By the following March I was back at my Mum and Dads. Soon after, I got a job (my first) in a pub and met my second child’s father. Again, I thought I was in love. It turns out that when I was 6-months pregnant, I discovered he was actually living with his fiancé and their 7-month old son!

Harvey was born in December 1998 and looked exactly like his Dad. I was a 22-year old single-mother of two children, with different fathers (although they did have the same name, just to confuse matters). When I fell pregnant with both these guys, no-one was upset, no-one was derogatory – everyone was excited – my Mum especially. Dad was a bit iffy but that’s just most Dads I think. Mum told him off because they were 17 and 18 when they got married and had my older brother. I think in the 18-years that followed, I only had one boyfriend that I thought I could have more children with, we actually broke up because I was ready, and he wasn’t. It broke my heart for many years. By the time I reached my 30s, I had resigned myself to having no more children and I was happy with that. I wasn’t able to return to work after having Harvey until he started school (due to benefits and childcare costs) but once I did get back into work I wanted to better myself to better the future for my children.

two young adults sitting on a bench
Harvey and Immy

I started as a receptionist in a tanning salon and progressed to admin within the NHS, afterwhich I had an admin role for the Essex branch of a hospitality apprenticeship training company and I blooming loved my job! When I started there, Immy was 15 and Harvey 13. I had some freedom back, which was bliss. I have vague memories of hot coffee and trips to the gym.

Fast forward to 2015. I had downsized my housing association house because Immy had moved out. Harvey was getting ready to sit his GCSE’s, and I was afloat. I felt content with my life. I had no idea that a chance comment on a selling page would change my life forever

In my early 30’s (13-years ago) I dated a guy named Richie. It was never going to be long term – he liked his recreational activities too much for my liking. During our 6-months together I met his family and his soon to be Brother-in-Law. I got on OK with them, but they weren’t my cup of tea really. I thought the Brother-in-Law was a bit of an idiot if I’m completely honest.

So, the selling page story: I ask about the availability of an item online and the comment below mine, was from the Brother-in-Law that I just mentioned; “Hey Katy! Remember me?” I thought to myself, oh god really!? Anyway, we became friends on Facebook, chatted a lot and went on a ‘non-date’ about a week or so later, to ‘catch up’. I found out that he was divorced a year after he’d got married. We kissed that first ‘non-date’, and it was nice. I didn’t expect anything else to happen, but we saw each other every evening that week.

It was time to admit we had feelings for each other. There was me thinking I was quite happy the way I was!  After 5 weeks, Simon moved in with Harvey and I. We had already discussed kids and because he didn’t have any, he desperately wanted them. I had a good think about things and chatted with a co-worker about it and decided I wasn’t too old to have more. By summer, my coil was gone, and we were actively trying to conceive.

Geriatric Mum and her partner
Katy and Simon

It took until Easter 2016 for a positive pregnancy test result. Simon was over the moon and I felt happy that he was happy. He told everyone although I had wanted to keep it quiet. Over the following weeks, I wasn’t very well. I had the most awful flu-type illness and I couldn’t shift it. I was taking cold and flu remedies to help with feeling so awful. At our 12-week scan we found that our ‘baby’ hadn’t developed past 5 weeks. I hadn’t experienced this before. I’d had a termination at 24-years old, but this feeling was completely different. Even to this day, I still think I killed that baby. I have always thought that if I hadn’t taken the flu medication, I would’ve had a healthy baby to love and nurture.

Simon was so upset, but he was my absolute rock through it all. I had a surgical procedure to remove the failed pregnancy. I still think about that baby and what could’ve been, and it continues to makes me sad.

A year later, after that awful experience, I was pregnant again. As the 12-week scan loomed, we dreaded hearing the same sad news, but this time we were greeted with a happy, healthy, growing baby. This was the first time I had heard the term ‘Geriatric’ used. What?! I’m not old! I was 40.

How does it feel to be an older / geriatric mum?

Geriatric Mum! Not me – I am young at heart, reasonably fit and healthy. I had absolutely no issues with my ‘older’ pregnancies and my family and friends didn’t bat an eyelid at my age. When I used to walk around the supermarket, I was stopped all the time by people wanting to talk about my huge belly, but no-one asked me about my age. It’s rare to brag about age to strangers, but I was bragging all of the time. I said things like “I was 20 with my first and I’ll be 41 with my third” and “It is almost 19-years between this and the last pregnancy “. I loved being pregnant and appreciated it much more because I was older. I had really swollen feet and ankles and my god could I eat, but I loved it.

Then something awful happened. My daughter, Imogen, realised she was 18-weeks pregnant and in the process of a miscarriage. Baby Samuel Ronnie was born the day after my 41st birthday – she had been in labour for 3 days and sadly he was too young to survive. We had a funeral for him a few weeks later. I felt totally devastated watching my baby, my daughter, go through that, whilst I was pregnant.

Elliott Luca David Pugh arrived safe and sound 3-days before his due date. I was 41-years old. Simon proposed to me that Christmas Day, back in 2017. I said yes! We got married in July 2018, knowing that I was pregnant again! Just 2-weeks before the wedding I had to get a different wedding dress because the one I’d had fitted didn’t do up!

geriatric mum katy on her wedding day
Katy and Simon on their big day!
Family in hospital with newborn baby boy
The family with new baby Elliot

On the day of the scan (just 3-days after our wedding) I was nervous. I was worried that I wouldn’t cope if this pregnancy wasn’t viable – especially after mine and Imogen’s miscarriages. The scan was good and everything was healthy and developing properly. TWICE OVER in fact! My heart stopped with shock when I realised that it was twins – my first words were – “are you f***ing joking?” I was 11+3 weeks and a ‘geriatric’ mum-to-be.

I was under consultant care due to carrying twins who were sharing a placenta. This meant we were at risk of twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS). We were referred to the specialist team for extra care and had scans every 2-weeks until birth.Despite having huge ankles and wearing crocs and socks (which Simon hated!) the pregnancy was good. We found out at our 16-week scan in London that we had identical girls – it was lovely news.


How did you find pregnancy?

I loved being pregnant again. I’d forgotten what it was like when I was younger because it was so long ago and as a younger mother-to-be, I’d just assumed my pregnancies would be ok, I didn’t think about miscarriage, disabilities or even the future – I didn’t have a care in the world or a plan.

Having babies older is very different. I felt confident enough to ask the midwives anything at any time, my consultants were easy to speak to and informative. The hardest part was the end of my twin pregnancy – I was so heavy and in constant pain. My feet were huge but my blood pressure was completely normal. I begged to be induced slightly earlier than 38-weeks and my medical team agreed to 37-weeks. The day after Boxing Day in 2018, my body had other plans. I got up as normal at 6.30am and Simon was still asleep. I pottered around the house for about an hour. I went to the loo, made another coffee, sat down on the sofa and POP! – my waters broke at 34+3 weeks. Simon didn’t believe me at first, but he soon did when he saw the river of water from the lounge to the downstairs toilet!

I rang the hospital to let them know, the midwife laughed when I said I won’t be rushing in because I wanted a shower plus it was rush hour. We got to the pre-labour ward and I had a quick examination and it was at that point things really started to progress. Due to me having twins, we were moved onto delivery by 10.30am where I saw 2 of everything! I felt a bit overwhelmed and suddenly it hit me that we were having two babies!

I had an epidural and delivered Twin-1 naturally at 4.45 pm on December 14th 2018. Mia Jennifer was 4lb 1oz and perfect. Twin-2 decided to have a party and flipped herself upside down and back to front inside me. She’d never had that kind of space before had she! My consultant came in and after an internal exam we discovered that she was breech. My options were c-section or he could pull her out manually. I opted for manual, because the thought of a c-section scared the living daylights out of me. After a top-up of epidural, Orla Vanessa was born at 4.54pm, 9-minutes after her sister. Orla needed a little help to breathe and weighed in at 3lb 15oz. I got to see them both from afar and they were whisked off to neo-natal for support. Whilst I was in theatre having my placenta taken out, Simon was able to go and spend time with the girls. He took lots of photos for me to look at and I was just so happy – I cried and cried. I was lucky enough to be given a private room on the post-natal ward and I could see the neo-natal ward from my room. That first night, once I had got settled after visiting the girls a couple of times, I had the best shower ever and slept for 8 hours straight – the breakfast lady woke me up for a cuppa and cereal at 8am.

Katy and Simon with twin baby girls
Newborn twins Mia and Orla
Tired new mum with her twin girls
Katy with her gorgeous girls
Twin girls sitting deckchairs in the garden
Mia and Orla chilling on chairs
smiling happy twin girls
Oh those faces!

Were you offered any memorable or unhelpful words of wisdom when you spoke to others (friends, family, midwife, doc) about your pregnancy?

I had really good people around me throughout my pregnancies. I don’t remember any negativity at all. I’m pretty thick skinned though, so I would’ve just brushed it off anyway. Who is to say what age is right or wrong to have babies – if you want to, and you can, then do.

Describe how it feels to be an older (geriatric) mum?

In a word EXHAUSTING!!!! I’m always tired – so tired my tired is tired. I’m lucky if I manage to shower regularly, my diet is crap, I rarely get to wear make-up or dress up (pre-covid only occasionally), I lose my rag daily.

Elliott is hard work, he is into everything. He never walks – he runs around full pelt from waking up to going to sleep. I’m a referee for the most part. Mia is a gentle, sweet princess with an ear shattering scream and a Daddy’s girl. Orla is my little fire-cracker – sweet and gentle too, but a bossy boots and a Mummy’s girl. I am happy to say all 3 are thriving.

Lockdown has been a huge test for me. Elliott started pre-school January 2020 but only managed 7-weeks before Lockdown #1. I was reluctant for him to go back in July, but I got to the point my own mental health was suffering so much that we needed the break from each other. Simon and I managed to get Covid right before Christmas and were quarantined up until Christmas Day. I’m sure that if I was younger and didn’t have the same support or even ‘grown up knowledge’ that I have today, I wouldn’t have managed the last year in the same way.


Is your child in school yet? If yes, how do the other mums react with you being older?

I think I’m the oldest Mum at the pre-school gates (I’m nearly 45) but I know I don’t look it. I’ve been surprised a few times that someone was younger than me, when I thought they were older. One thing I do know, is that I haven’t got the tolerance for some of the younger mums. I have listened into conversations and thought to myself, is that how older mums saw me all those years ago at the school gates? I’m the first to admit I was probably a bit chavvy and gobby back then – I thought I knew it all.

We moved into the village we live in now in 2019. I don’t know many people here, but I meet new people all the time. I am a bit more confident starting a conversation these days and I don’t care what people think about me. Love me or hate me, I am me and that’s that.

The one thing I worry about in life is if I’ll stay alive long enough to see all five of my children grow up. Imogen and Harvey are 24 and 22, they are fantastic humans and I couldn’t be prouder of them. When the twins leave school at 18, Simon and I will be 60 and I’m sure at some point we will be mistaken for their grandparents!

Oh Katy – you are ace!

And thank-you so much for reading the blog,

Lucy.

If you are an older Mum and would like to join the fab Facebook group click here; JOIN GROUP and make sure you are follwing on instagram, too! @geriatric_mum

Lucy Baker is the founder of Geriatric Mum and she is a confidence coach helping women to feel confident. If you want to discuss anything confidence related, check out her website: www.shecoachesconfidence.com

A chat with Sarah

I know of Sarah through my group We are Geriatric Mums and I can honestly say she is one of a few people in my lifetime who has had a profound effect on my thinking. Sarah is a voice for us ‘older mums’ as well as a positive mover and shaker in the Down syndrome community. The way she adapted and changed her life a few years ago is something that brings a tear to my eye. Read Sarah’s story below and let us know what you think in the comments. Introducing, Sarah Pree:

Name Sarah Pree

Age 46

What age were you when you had your children, and how old are they now?

I had my first child, Charlie, when I was 23. My second child, Freya, was born when I was 25, and Marnie arrived when I was 43-years old.

How did people react when you told them you were pregnant at an ‘older age’?

Some people were surprised because I’d already had my son and daughter (who were in their early 20s) but on the whole, people were happy for us, mainly because my new partner Colin didn’t have any children of his own.

How did you find your ‘geriatric’ pregnancy?

My pregnancies in my 40s were quite different, because at this age it was the first time I experienced a miscarriage. I was 11-weeks pregnant and just approaching the “safety zone” of 12-weeks. It was an extremely traumatic time because it took nearly a year to conceive and so the sense of loss hit us hard. Thankfully, I became pregnant again two months later and was elated at this news, but fearful of miscarrying again, which is why we had a reassurance scan when I was 9-weeks pregnant. Both Colin and I felt a huge sense of relief to see a tiny little “gummi bear” with a strong beating heart and little buds for arms and legs. We left the scan feeling happy yet slightly apprehensive, but very much looking forward to our 12-week scan.

birth announcement on a scrabble board

The next three weeks flew by, and before we knew it it was time to see our baby again. But nothing could have prepared us for the news we were about to be told.

Our “gummi bear” was now a fully formed tiny baby, with long arms and legs, and a strong heartbeat. But things were about to change. Our initial relief at seeing the image soon turned to complete and utter shock as I witnessed the puzzled look on the sonographer’s face which really unnerved me. In addition to the facial expression, the silence in the room could have been cut with a knife.  The ultrasound lady informed us that she would be leaving the room and would return in a few minutes, because she needed a second opinion on the nuchal translucency reading which “seemed a bit high”.

We both glared at each other, not knowing what to say, but at that moment my instinct was hinting to me what was really happening.

The second sonographer was now scanning back and forth back and forth and she looked as equally as anxious as the first. I remember lying there feeling helpless, scared and I was trying so hard to stay together and composed. Soon afterwards, we were then told that the high reading may indicate a chromosomal abnormality, like Down syndrome, and that they would need to take some bloods from me to conduct further tests. We were ushered into a very glum room, you know the kind of room from an episode of Casualty, with tissues on the table and nothing on the walls. We waited there until I was called for the blood test.  

We left the hospital feeling crushed. The pain in some stomach was physical, much like the feeling of being winded. I will never forget it. The next few days were agonising whilst we waited for the results and it felt very surreal.

Most people leave the hospital with scan photos and proudly share with their friends and family this important milestone of the 12-week scan, but instead, we wanted to switch our phones off and be alone. Personally, I couldn’t deal with having to share the news that there might be a “problem“.

The day that we received the phone call with the results is something we will NEVER forget. I had a 1 in 2 chance of a baby with Down syndrome, a 1 in 7 chance of Edwards’ syndrome and a 1 in 13 for Patau’s syndrome and with this news I felt like my world had ended.

Why? Why us? I’d just lost a baby, and now this! It didn’t feel fair. I was quickly thrown into the next stage, which was, to make a decision. I already knew that termination was not an option for me, but I so desperately needed some clarity.

For me, Down syndrome was “doable”, but the other two conditions (Edwards’ syndrome and Patau’s syndrome) are not quite as straight forward. Diagnostic testing is the only way to get an accurate result and NIPT (Non-Invasive Prenatal Testing) is not as accurate as it is claimed to be and I’ve since learned that from speaking to many other mothers who have a child with Ds. I decided to have CVS testing (Chorionic villus sampling) and soon after we received the results to confirm that we were having a little girl, and yes, she had Down syndrome.

I felt a sense of relief upon getting the results. Relief that I could continue with my pregnancy and prepare for life through a very different lens. I set about educating myself so that I fully understood everything I needed to know and so I could be the best Mum for my extra special girl whom I had been blessed with – because that’s how I started to see this little girl inside of me – as a blessing. I felt grateful and thankful that I had been chosen to be her Mummy, and the one to love and care for her. Throughout the rest of my pregnancy, I received superb care and was offered lots more scans, which I took. 40-50% of babies with Ds have heart issues, but we were fortunate in that it wasn’t the case with our little girl. Another reason for the increased level of scanning, is that the placenta stops working so well in a pregnancy where the baby has Ds, but my unborn child and I remained very healthy and there was no cause for concern. Oh, and my consultants were often surprised when they looked at my notes and saw that I was born in 1974 – they thought I was about 10 years younger than I was! Get in!

Our beautiful little Marnie was born at 39+4 weeks. Her birth was assisted by loads of gas and air (entonox) and it was without complication.

newborn baby girl with down syndrome
Sarah and baby Marnie

Were you offered any memorable or unhelpful words of wisdom when you spoke to others (friends, family, midwife, doc) about your pregnancy?

A few people said “sorry” when I told them our baby had Down syndrome. I know these comments are not meant to be harmful, but really there is nothing to be sorry about, and I found it quite insulting. Mothers-to-be just want to be congratulated no matter what their story is, and I wish people would recognise that.

Describe how it feels to be an older (geriatric) mum?

Being an older Mum is fantastic! I had my first two children in my 20s and can definitely say that I much prefer motherhood as a “geriatric.” I am lucky to have good health and I certainly don’t feel like I’m fast approaching my 50s! I just go with the flow these days and I live life in the present, feeling grateful to have had the opportunity to be a mother later in life. I’m calm, I know myself really well and I don’t care about other’s opinions too much. I believe that when you are in your 40s, you feel much more comfortable with who you are, and your ability, and youth doesn’t give you that. Being ‘older’ definitely offers more balance to life.

Some wonderful words of wisdom from Sarah:

If any Mums (young or older) ever find themselves in a position where they were told their baby may have Down syndrome, my first piece of advice would be not to panic. We are nearly three years into our beautiful journey, and if I could go back in time, I would tell myself that piece of advice with absolute certainty. There really was no need to cry all those tears and feel swamped with the fears that I felt. The fear that I felt, was around the unknown, and because Down syndrome is so often portrayed as something negative, and because of that the natural reaction is to feel scared.

Sadly, the majority of the time, when expectant parents are given news of a diagnosis, it isn’t done in a particularly positive way. My advice would be to make sure you are given up-to-date, balanced information and ensure that you are signposted to the right support groups and the correct care pathway. And ask lots of questions.

The help and advice is out there. It sometimes just takes a while to find the right information that gives parents an overall balanced view.

I want to remind everyone reading that we all do the best we can, no matter what age we are. My message to mothers is to have faith in yourself – bringing new life into the world is truly amazing. Love who you are, love that your body has produced, carried and nurtured another human life. Never beat yourself up and think you’re not good enough. You are a hero to your child (or children) and the roots to help them flourish and grow. We all have gone through extraordinary times (Covid-19) and you have shown your resilience – so be proud of that. Women are wonderful and we should empower one another.

Much love and light to you all, and thank you for reading,

Sarah x

picture of baby with down syndrome who ius sticking her tongue out
I am not Down syndrome. I am Marnie.

If you would like to get in touch with Sarah, email me and I can pass it on to her.

Lucy.

If you are an older Mum and would like to join my fab group on facebook, click here; We are Geriatric Mums and make sure to follow Lucy on Instagram here @geriatric_mum

Lucy Baker is the founder of Geriatric Mum and she is a confidence coach helping women to be confident at work. If you want to discuss anything confidence related, you can find her email on the SCC website www.shecoachesconfidence.com

The age of motherhood

The Office for National Statistics (ONS) have released new figures on the average age of mothers at time they gave birth in 2019, and it has increased to 30.7 years, and the average age for a father is 33.6 years.

This shows, that women having babies is at the highest age ever, and women have consistently been getting older over the years.

I was 34 years old when I had my first baby, 37 years old when I had baby number two, and I gave birth at 43-years-old with my last baby. I now have a 10-year old, an 8 year old and a nearly 2-year old, and I am 44-year old. I was way above the national average when I gave birth to Rocky in 2019, in fact 13-years above, and interestingly at 34-years old (my first baby) I was 4 years over the national average.

I do feel that the age that a woman has a baby now, is so varied, and that is so wonderful, because actually, what is age is right, what age is wrong? What age is too young, what age is too old? Everyone has a story as to why they had a baby at a certain age, and that is what fascinates me. I don’t judge others for when they have a baby, and it isn’t helpful when people do.

Today I was featured on the Daily Mail online talking about my experiences of being an older mum and I also talk about my group on Facebook, We are Geriatric Mums which now has nearly 2000 members – women 35+ who are pregnant or have had a baby.

See the Daily Mail feature here; https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8953557/Mothers-England-Wales-older-EVER.html (scroll down the article for my 3-minute video).

And, much to my delight, I was featured on Sky News and interviewed LIVE by Jayne Secker about the same figures released by the ONS. We talked about opinions around older mums, why we think women have having babies later in life and what it is like being an older mum at school and at playgroups.

Lucy Baker (confidence coach and geriatric mum) on Sky News

I had a bit of a negative start to my pregnancy mainly because of how people reacted. I wrote about how I felt here; 42 and pregnant but once I settled into the fact that some people can’t help but say negative things, and I glossed over the many negative ‘risk’ articles I read online, I felt good. I had a lovely pregnancy and I enjoyed being pregnant at 42. I felt calm, connected and fearless about what was ahead and my husband was a brilliant support. I realised (at 5-months pregnant) that I wanted to help other women who might be feeling scared about the risks they read online or annoyed and hurt by comments from others and so I started this blog and the Facebook group (We are Geriatric Mums) to connect others, and to create a supportive community. And boy, it is thriving.

It turns out that the best support you can get as an older mum, is from other older mums!

What a day it’s been for the ‘mums who happen to be older’ community – online and on the live news – I am so pleased that I was able to share what it is really like to be an older mum and speak for the 1000s of older mums in my community. Magic.

This is for all MUMS WHO HAPPEN TO BE OLDER!

Lucy x

Lucy Baker is a confidence coach and geriatric mum.

Contact Lucy for confidence; www.shecoachesconfidence.com

A chat with Amy

I first met Amy through my group, We are Geriatric Mums and realised that she lived just 10-minutes from my home in Kent. Connecting with other like-minded mums is crucial and after meeting Amy ‘online’ we met at a couple of ‘Geriatric Mum’ events (with lots of other fab women) and we have had a few boozy nights out, too. Amy has three children and had her last baby, after a troublesome pregnancy, at 33-weeks. This is Amy’s story:

Name Amy Iddenden

Age 41

What age were you when you had your children, and how old are they now?

I had Mia, my first baby at 22, she is now 19. At 37 I had my second girl, Matilda who is 3. I was nearly 41 when I had Sidney, who is now 1.

geriatric mum on her doorstep with family of husband and three children
Amy and her family – Husband Richard, Mia, Matilda and Sidney

How did people react when you told them you were pregnant at an older age?

Most people were okay, actually. Some said “you’re a bit old” or the typical “how old will you be when they go to school?” but generally the view was a positive one. Initially, my daughter (then 17) told me she thought I was too old to have a baby, but after some thought, she recognised that if we were happy, that was a good thing. She was heading off to University soon after we shared our news anyway, and she came to terms with it not really having a big change on her life, because she would be away.

How was your ‘geriatric’ pregnancy?

It was hard, due to major complications – I was in and out of hospital and it resulted in complications at birth and after, mainly due to negligence. My consultant, however, was amazing and didn’t make me feel that the issues were because of my age. She expressed feeling sorry that she had to see me in her clinic more as a result of my age. In fact, my midwife told me that I wasn’t old and it wasn’t unusual in her practice to see mums 40+ these days. So, in general, I had a really good experience in terms of my age with all medical staff that I met whilst I was pregnant.

Amy pregnant with Sidney

Were you offered any memorable (or unhelpful) words of wisdom when you spoke to others (friends, family, midwife, doc) about your pregnancy?

I did hear on a few occasions “you’ll be the oldest mum in the playground” 🙄, “you’ll be really tired because of your age” and “you’re so tired because you’re old”.

Describe how it feels to be an older (geriatric) mum?

Amazing! Having done it at, what I consider, a young age and at at much older age (40+) I feel much more confident and I would go as far as to say I prefer being an older mum (that sounds awful, but I don’t mean it like that). I think the preference comes from being more secure in every aspect of my life – financially and emotionally and that has come with age. These days, I enjoy my children so so much and appreciate every single second with them. Yes! I am tired, but so are my friends who are 10 years younger than me with young children, so in no way do I relate this to be ‘geriatric’ it is just a fact of motherhood. I have to say, I feel much more laid back these days and I think that helps me as a mum, too.

Sidney had a difficult start in life and I had a bad time pre, during and post birth. I was really poorly after having him and ended up having a hysterectomy to correct some of the issues I was having post-birth. Sidney was quite poorly afterwards too, he was in and out of hospital with bronchiolitis and it was a really stressful and unsettling time. Thankfully, we both are doing really well now, and despite having a rough few months running up to this birth and afterwards, my lovely baby boy makes all of the hard times we experienced, worth it.

geriatric mum holding her new baby who was premature
Amy holding 1 day old Sidney (first time she held him)
Geriatric mum Amy holding newborn premature baby Sidney
Amy holding 2 day old baby Sidney

Amy, do you have any top tips for readers?

My top tips are – firstly, don’t listen to negativity about your age – being an older mum is the BEST and I have done both young and old. Secondly, enjoy every minute of it, even the bad bits, because what happens is that the good outweighs the bad and the good will shine through, and thirdly, sleep when you can, and have lots of coffee and gin!

I love Amy’s attitude towards being an older mum, it matches mine. Despite having a tricky pregnancy and a worrying birth she now has a beautiful, healthy baby boy. We are Gerry Mums and proud!

Thank you, Amy.

Lucy aka GERIATRIC MUM.

Have you joined my free facebook group yet? It’s a great place for us GMs (Mums who are 35+) to share stories and experiences; CLICK HERE

Follow Lucy (Geriatric Mum) on Facebook @geriatricmum

Follow Lucy (Geriatric Mum) on Instagram @geriatric_mum

Lucy Baker is the founder of Geriatric Mum and she is a confidence coach helping women to be confident at work. If you want to discuss anything confidence related, you can find her email on her SCC website; www.shecoachesconfidence.com

How to fix the hard skin on your feet

Not a glamorous thing to admit, but I have always struggled with hard skin on my feet and it looks and feels horrid – think crusty heels and socks that crackle and catch as they go on and you have got the idea. I am told it is from being a flip flop lover, which I quite understand, the flipping of the sole has a hardening effect on the skin.

Flip flops aside, until recently I had tried everything under the sun to combat my unsightly heels, including:

Exfoliating Foot Socks – wow! These things are, at first glance amazing, but actually quite brutal. The first time I used this type of bootie after 8 days the skin on my feet shed like an old snake and I felt like this was a total blessing, but I do now feel they add to the problem of hard skin, because for me, it came back twice as badly. Helen, my Reflexologist (I say that like I use her a lot, she’s actually only done my feet once and it was wonderful) told me that we do need a layer of hard skin on our feet for protection and for balance.

Pumice Stone – there was always a pumice stone in the bathroom when I was a kid and I actually never liked the look of them – I always thought they looked grey and somehow a bit unhygienic. I bought one a few months ago and I tired it on damp feet whilst standing in the bath. I kept dropping it and it felt way to small, and actually a bit crumbly, and it didn’t really seems to smooth my feet very much. It is now in the bin.

Supermarket plastic foot file – I bought a plastic-handled foot file that was about £3 from a supermarket. Back in the summer, I was happily filing my feet in the garden (dust flying everywhere) whilst watching my son play, and the bloody thing snapped. I might’ve been a bit gung-ho with my filing technique or it was a cheap n nasty bit of kit. “Buy cheap buy twice” my husband always says, and in this instance he was right.

Foot file that looks like a cheese grater – In the foot care aisle of a big pharmacy store, I saw a handled foot file that looked like a mini cheese grater and for some reason I bought it! I got to work on my hard heels with it and actually it made them sore! So that too, went in the bin.

Helen, who I mentioned earlier, is a Reflexologist and Foot Health Practitioner, she says;

Developing hard skin (callus) on the soles and sides of our feet is a natural response to friction, pressure and drying out. It mainly occurs around the heel, big toe, little toe, and ball of the foot as these are the areas that take the most weight and / or, are most often subject to the results of poor fitting shoes. 

Callus is protective: Our skin is a vital organ for protecting our delicate insides from the outside world, and it literally holds us together. When it is subject to continuous rubbing, trauma or loss of moisture, the deeper layers of skin get busy producing extra skin cells to push up to the surface as a barrier to whatever is going on. This is why many people with hard skin find it gets worse during summer – flip flops offer no support; they continually bounce on and off the heel while the foot loses all its moisture which usually helps maintain its elasticity. Poor feet!  Because hard skin forms as protection, an important tip when filing down hard skin is to do it gently and in smooth long strokes in one direction, do not take it all off in one go, and moisturise well afterwards. I know this might sound counter-intuitive, however, if you go at it with a sawing motion or with the force of a cheese grater, the skin knows that it is under attack, and then it will try to protect itself.

Such wise words Helen, thank you.

So what does work?

For me, the only things that have made my feet baby-soft are a stainless steel handled foot file and Flexitol Hard Skin & Callus Balm (see photo below)

Be gone hard skin with these bad boys!

The foot file is bloody ace! It has a rough side and a fine side (much like its supermarket friends) to help remove stubborn dead skin and then smooth it, but the big difference is that it comes with new ‘grits’, 5 of each. When the old one is a bit worn out, it can be taken off and replaced – hurrah. Also, unlike the cheaper versions, it is sturdy and can withstand even the most vigorous of filing sessions – great for when I first got it, because my feet were pretty awful.

After filing my trotters, I apply a small amount of the Flexitol Balm to the heel area only, and massage it in well. The website says that the product is designed to remove hard skin without the filing, but I ignored that and went for both, and will continue to do so.

I can honestly say that after years of hating my hard heels and actually sometimes picking the hard skin off , and making the area bleed (I know! I know!) I have finally found what works ; two things used three times a week to give me feet that I am proud of. Having nice feet makes me feel good, even if winter is in the way. Smooth heels stops crackly socks and that alone is worth the £12.50 I spent to get them.

Hope that was helpful. Let know if you try it.

Lucy

Follow Lucy on instagram; @geriatric_mum

Find Helen (Foot Expert) on Facebook here; HappyFeetByHelen

Lucy Baker is a mother of 3 and she had her last child at 43-years-old. She hosts an online support community for ‘mums who happen to be older’ on facebook called We are Geriatric Mums which is currently at 1.9K members. Lucy is a confidence coach and her website is www.shecoachesconfidence.com

This feature is not sponsored. Flexitol has been recommended because it is good.

The obstacle course with no finish line

Today I’ve been singing the line “I just don’t know what to do with myself…” from the song by The White Stripes – it has been going round and round in my head, I love the song and the words feel right today.

It is a normal Monday in July, actually, start again – it is normal Monday in July, yet instead of embracing the first week of the summer holidays with a sense of freedom and relief that the school run is done, everyone in the house is fed up with each other, even the cat is feeling fed up. It isn’t a ratty, over-tired sort of fed up that we all go through in life, it is more I’m sick of the sight of you fed up – and it feels like it is at the highest level today. As I write this, I am imagining that strongman game at the arcades, and the bell ringing out as the puck hits the top during one of our family ding-dongs, to indicate that we are at top level fed up.

The kids keep arguing, they always have a bit, but right now it is off.the.scale, Rox is being a typical 18-month old, you know, chucking food, putting fingers in sockets, jumping off sofas and hitting us with everything – in fact, he hit me with a toy dustpan today and I burst into tears. it hurt, and as I said, I’m feeling a bit White Stripes lyrics today and a bit fragile. But back to Rocky, he is just being a fab funny little boy, but because none of us have had a proper break, there is always a kid around, if not three, it makes the food throwing and dustpan hitting feel way more annoying than it should. My husband and I swing from kissing in the kitchen in front of the kids to totally ignoring each other and handing over the toddler to make a work call without making any eye contact. Honestly, one minute we are dancing around and flirting and the next we can’t bear the sight of each other and are literally tearing our hair out. Even the cat runs a mile as soon as Rocky Bamm-Bamm walks up to her – her routine is out and she is fed up too. If I think about it too much, I find it all quite sad, but we are okay, and he said to me today when we broke away from a grump to talk about sweetcorn – “Lu, 5 months everyday together is pretty tough – I love you”.

So on this Monday, despite life opening up a bit more, none of it is normal really is it, how can it be?

The girls haven’t stepped foot in their school for four and a half months, The Bakers have spent nearly every hour with each other since 20th March 2020, and it is starting to feel like we are in some pantomime. Ok, that is a bit OTT (Oh no it isn’t!), but it just doesn’t balanced and regular. I used to hate regular, but perhaps part of me actually needs that. I know we can see friends, go for dinner if we want and shop, but it is the no school and the boredom that the children have experienced that concerns me. I am a confidence coach and in normal life, I know exactly how to keep myself feeling good, but the last few months have been a test like no other – much like trying to complete an osbstacle course with no finish line… and now we are all running out of fuel.

The kids are playing up at meal times, we are fighting with them daily over screens (with no clear idea what it actually best), we are experiencing a level of mum and dad guilt like never before and the older kids are developing a bit of an attitude that goes against everything we want for our kids. But it is not a normal time. One of my girls has ADHD, so life has been doubly tough in many ways, and yet so many don’t understand what we go through as a family, and what we have been through to date – but that is another blog post entirely, and I will write about it. All I want to say right now, is those who have supported us through her diagnosis and more, have a place in my heart forever.

Don’t get me wrong, there have been times where we’ve done what we would’ve done during a tough race – pick the other person up and climb the hill together. That said, there have also been times where we’ve all needed space to go alone – but haven’t had the chance to, in other words there has been nowhere to escape to. I can’t just up and leave in the middle of the day, each outing needs to be finely tuned and planned. Just today, we needed to buy a cat flap for little Gracie, so I had Rox and Dan took the two girls to the hardware store – another lap of the obstacle course complete. Go Dan!

I think that the main issue hasn’t been covid-19 or us spending time together, we actually all like each other a lot, it has been the fact that we both have to work with three kids in the house. I mean, if that isn’t crazy, what is? The more I think about this fact, the more cross I get. I run my own business, which luckily I can do from home. My husband works for a company in London, and luckily he can do his job from home, too. I say luckily because we are both working and we can share the kid-load and that makes things a bit better… or does it?

I don’t know if it does or it doesn’t, I flip between that all day long. In some ways it is better, but the intensity of five people in the house (three children under ten) and two parents with a shit load of work on, doesn’t make it better.

What I do know is that both of us don’t have any downtime. I am often up early to do bits of work and I then hit the laptop again at around 9pm – that can’t be good for mental health, can it? But what other option do we have? You know, I look back longingly and reminisce about those dreamy morning school runs, with just one child in a pram and the chance for me to have a natter in the street or to grab a coffee and a pastry on the way back to the house. Ok, they weren’t dreamy at the time, but they feel it now. My husband keeps dreaming about his deathly silent train journeys where the aircon was a touch too cold and the passenger next to him was eating something stinky, but he didn’t care, of course he didn’t, he was freeeee and on his own! (read that as freeeee with no kids!) Oh my days, what bliss.

Pregnant The Screwed have just published a survey of 20,000 working mothers and it is a fascinating read. It perfectly hits on some of the frustrations that I have and am feeling around childcare at the moment. Our toddler is just about to start nursery and we are doing it for two reasons – so he can have interaction with people other than his parents, and so that we can work. Oh by the way, the cost of 2 days a week is just over £400 a month, so I feel we have to spend money so that we can work. This isn’t about shoving him out to nursery, it is about having time to work.

So anyway, back to the point of me writing this. I am writing this today because I have felt all over the place and I know that feeling comes from me trying to work, the fact that no-one feels excited about summer, and the sadness I feel from us bickering and annoying each other. For us, this family of five, this isn’t how we are.

I am not a blamey person (it is a waste of energy in my book), but if I were to blame how I am feeling on anything or anyone, I actually don’t think I could. It is what it is, as they say, but I do wish it was different.

My only advice, and I don’t have much as a parent, is to talk and share, oh… and never judge.

Lucy x

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79 days as a lockdown mum

It has been 79 days since school closed. I don’t need to tell you that that is a long time to have three children under the age of ten at home 24/7, without any break from them, or them from us. No friends here for tea after school, no trip to the local park to let the kids play on the climbing frame, no pretty instagram picture trips to the zoo, no trips to see cousins and family – no let up. But hey, it is what it is. As lockdown eases a touch in the UK, we are getting a little taste of real life – I don’t know about you, but I almost feel in my groove as a lockdown mum, almost-ish.

Don’t get me wrong, I crave seeing friends in the pub, going on the train, even soft play!, seeing the school mums on the walk into school for an idle, unforced, un-Zoomed chat. I like those chats best of all. The organic natter, which for me, makes life feel real, and okay. The pre-arranged video chats and quizzes always switch my mind into work mode – because I have been Zooming for years at work.

Zoom aside, I also miss everything impromptu. To some degree, as a family, we are organised – ok I’m fibbing a bit here, I’d say a BIT organised. We are way more impromptu than organised. Wanna meet us at the beach in an hour? Yes! The Bakers are there. I think for us as a family, that has been hard. But we are kinda used to it now, although I am not sure I want us to be used to it.

The big thing for me is that I don’t feel used to the sedentary side of life. In normal times, I loathe it, it doesn’t suit me, or the kids. But, we have had to try and get used to it, or at least I have – just like everyone else has. You see, I find it hard because it goes against everything I believe in as a parent. Sure, there is garden time (mainly the one year old) and jaunts out to the local gap – we live right by the sea – but the girls (7 and 10) have become much much slower, and more argumentative – Oh my, the arguments!

I think every parent in the land (world!) has had to re-adjust. We started off with great intentions to home-school (I’m sorry but that term HAS to go), but then we soon realised that the kids eating their lunch without having a major meltdown, was a good day. Eating lunch without a mega strop is still a good day here – I think that’s our marker. In fact, I would go so far as to say that we have had about 3 good days in the 79, I kid you not. One of us has lost our shit every other day, and often it is multiple children and adults, losing it together. It has been, and will continue to be, hard.

Our children are 10, 7 and 1 and trying to balance and manage their needs 24/7 (and ours needs as parents) is impossible. It is absolutely impossible and no-one wants it to be like this. I don’t know about you, but I switch from yep this is OHHHHKAY to WTF IS GOING ON, around twenty times a day. Again, I think we all do. But, like all parents, we get on with it – because we have to.

I have been named, by a few friends, the 70’s mum. My dream is for the kids to play outside ALL day, exploring and getting messy, whilst I cook a delicious pie. Lie! – whilst I work. My dream is far from reality. The girls are obsessed with Adopt Me (Roblox) and although it is a cute game and time on a screen is handy for two working parents – it drives me mad. Seriously. We all know that computer games are like a drug, you start, and it is likely you will get hooked. It is true. Flyable rideable unicorns are not what they seem! I have to admit, screens have been useful during lockdown, but have you ever tried to get a kid off a screen when it is dinner time, despite 84 warnings? It is hell on earth. But, it is life, as we know it. I don’t like it, but it is life.

We are safe, we are healthy, we are all quite bored and we are on day 79 of lockdown life. And I am a lockdown mum. We have moments that I will cherish forever, but we have had hormonal rages (not just me!), boredom rages (all of us), frustration rages (all of us), toddler tantrums (you can guess that one), I hate school and never want to go back rages (both girls), I miss my friends (both girls and me!) and many more rages. I guess these rages are raw and real, and I do like seeing people for who they are, I always have – the real deal, no airs or graces. Lockdown life is raw and real.

It is day eighty tomorrow. With no change here – ding ding. Life continues with three children wanting food, piles of washing mounting up, not quite managing the tidy home that everyone else seems to have, no school runs, no looking forward to Friday night out in a pub with friends, no school work being achieved, no playgroups for my little man, – BUT we are spending time in our lovely garden, eating nice tasty meals together (most of the time), we are all going through this lockdown craziness as a little family – together, I somehow have time to work on my business, the house is messy and chaotic house and I am a lockdown mum – trying to keep things ticking over, trying to keep people happy, trying to look after everyone and me whilst staying positive and casting my mind ahead to things we all can do, when ‘this’ is over. It is surreal, intense, boring, beautiful, a nuisance, sad, too much, too little, magical and horrible. It is is far from ideal, but we are making it work – just!

Lucy (Geriatric Mum)

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One Year On

I am always asked what it is like to be a new mummy again, and in truth, it is hard work. I have 3 children now (9,7 and 1) and life is a big old juggle. My baby – who was born when I was 43 – is now 1, and I am 44. That’s right! I am 44 with a 1 year old.

My little baby is 1

As you may know, when I found out I was pregnant at 42, I struggled to find anywhere to hang out as an ‘older mum’ so I created that place in a facebook group called We are Geriatric Mums, and it is thriving. It is a wholesome, non-judgemental place for mums who happen to be older.

Having a new baby is one thing – ok they are up all night, but they do not move, and having a busy, walking, grabbing toddler is another. One of the things that people said to me when they found out I was pregnant at 42 was “how are you going to cope now that you are older” and do you know what? It’s ok. The bit that I’d forgotten, because I haven’t had a little one for 7 years, was the sheer energy that these toddlers have! WOW. The grab, smash, pull, grab, fling, chuck mentality that these little ones have, or my little one has, is amazing. Actually, I am not a fan of the word amazing per se, I find it is wildly over-used in this day and age – all you need to do is watch The X Factor – but amazing this little boy is.

His energy, his vitality, his thirst for learning is just so wonderful, and before you think this is a mum-style brag, it isn’t. I’m just fascinated with how these little humans, at just 12 months old, are.

Rocky is 1 (with his fave birthday present)

I think I am noticing it more with child number 3 and appreciating it greatly because, I am so much more in tune with myself as a person and mother, and I make time to enjoy it. With baby 1, I had no idea what I was doing. I look back on it now and feel like it was such an odd time in my life. The birth was hard, we were living in London, I had no family or friends around me and sleep deprivation was a killer. When baby 2 arrived, I was so pre-occupied with my 2 year old potty-training toddler, trying to work, feeling tired and in all honesty, not being in any kind of groove – I don’t even remember noticing much of what went on – apart from the typical milestones like walking. When I am asked what my second daughter’s first word was, the answer is, I don’t know!

One of the real bonuses, for me, of having a baby at 43 (with a bit of a gap from the others) is that I am so much more present. I really really love it. It doesn’t mean to say I am any better a mum this time around, or was worse back then, it just means that I am aware, a bit calmer and I am enjoying it more – even the thousands of tiny food bits I have to clear up off the floor each day, but I have been doing that for 9 years, so that’s just part of motherhood right?

I think the feeling of being more present, comes from age a little bit, but mainly from that fact that I am now a confident woman – I wasn’t once! Confidence brings clarity and calm to all parts of life, especially motherhood, for example, I haven’t read one baby book or fallen for the latest gadget this time around, which is very different to how I behaved back in my 30’s as a mother. I trust myself, I know myself and I like myself and this filters into how I am at home, as a mum. I love being an older Mummy, it really is one of the best things I ever did.

Do you feel confident as a mother? Do you notice and enjoy the little things? I understand that motherhood is very complex and it isn’t easy, there are so many factors too that can make it such hard (work, partners, PND, PTSD, finances, family and more) and if you are struggling seek the appropriate help.

If you are an older mum, follow me on INSTAGRAM , facebook or join my thriving fb group WE ARE GERIATRIC MUMS

If you would like help with your confidence, message me via my work fb page; She Coaches Confidence

A chat with Rachael

Rachael is an inspiration. After being diagnosed with breast cancer at 36, she went on to have her baby boy, Elliot at 42. Read all about Rachael and her story below, and her fab realisation at the end of the piece.

What is your current age?

44

At what age did you have your first baby?

42

At what age did you have your last baby?

42 – and sadly, I cannot have any more.

How did people react when you told them you were pregnant with your over 40 baby?

People were pleased. He was my first and he was my miracle post-cancer baby. I was child-free when I was diagnosed with breast cancer aged 36, and it is one of those things that women of that age don’t think will happen to them – but it does. My  first thought when I was diagnosed with breast cancer was “Can I still have children?”.  My breast care nurse was fantastic and, encouragingly, she told me to leave it with her. Three days after our conversation, I had an appointment at a fertility clinic. Many people don’t realise that chemotherapy can make you infertile – so freezing eggs / embryos is potentially an option for women who want to try and have a baby. I ended up freezing 7 embryos.

After active, hospital-based treatment, I was put on hormone therapy for two years – this is prescribed to reduce the risk of recurrence as much as possible. After the two years had passed, my Oncologist gave us the okay to try for a family.  We wanted to try to get pregnant naturally first, but after three months of trying, with no success, we decided to go ahead and use our frozen embryos. I had two rounds of IVF, both with the embryos that we had had frozen. Sadly, the first round didn’t produce a successful outcome – I did fall pregnant, but at my seven-week viability scan, they could see a heartbeat, but it was measuring small. A week later, I went for a follow up scan, and there was no heartbeat – I’d had a missed miscarriage. For round two, I had three frozen embryos left but only two survived being thawed. We decided to transfer both and hope that at least one was viable. Amazingly, one survived and was implanted, resulting in my little boy, Elliot. He is a two-year-old bundle of energy, and although things can be exhausting at times, I would not change them for the world. Without that final attempt at IVF, we wouldn’t have had children.

Were you offered any memorable words of wisdom when you spoke to others (friends, family, midwife, doc) about your pregnancy?

Not really no. I think they knew I just wanted him here safe and sound. They knew how much this meant to me and everyone was there for me to give me support. I was on blood thinners during the pregnancy and was also diagnosed with gestational diabetes, so my medical team kept a close eye on me. I didn’t mind at all, I found it reassuring rather than intrusive that I was being closely monitored and cared for. My midwife was brilliant – I felt comforted that she fully understood my situation. As a result of breast cancer, I only have one boob, and during my pregnancy I found myself stressing about breastfeeding – but my midwife reassured me it was possible. Sadly, after Elliot was born, I did not produce any breast milk, so we bottle fed him – but we tried.

Describe how it felt to be an older (geriatric) mum?

I felt isolated. During my pregnancy I went to NCT classes, and whilst I met some lovely people, in all honesty I was scared witless. I had no birth plan (I didn’t want one) and I just wanted my baby here safely. In addition, I was so used to being independent, and the thought of such a huge change in lifestyle was quite daunting.

Before I was diagnosed with cancer I was a bit of a workaholic. Ironically I was working in research and development – on oncology clinical trials for a pharmaceutical company and was working on a breast cancer drug at the time. I was busy and focused, and being a mum wasn’t something that I had in my life plan. When I met my current partner, I knew that I wanted a family. When I was diagnosed and during my treatment, my breast cancer gave me a huge reality check. I’d faced my own mortality. I’d understood, pretty much overnight, that I wasn’t invincible and my illness had helped me to recognise what was important to me. When I was diagnosed, one of my first thoughts was, “What if I die and I’ve never been a mum? What if I die having never experienced childbirth or parenthood?” Those questions are the harsh reality of a cancer diagnosis as a woman.

I won’t have any more children, Elliot is our one and only. I am taking Tamoxifen (my hormone medication) and will be for the foreseeable future. I’m disappointed that Elliott won’t have a sibling, but feel so lucky that he is in our lives. He is loved beyond words, he is our little miracle.  

Newborn Elliot

Is your child in school yet? and if so, how do the other mums and teachers react?

No – he is at a fab nursery which he loves and has lots of little friends there. And no-one has referred to me as grandma! (yet). 

Please write here about anything you think fellow geriatric mums would love to read about; advice, coping mechanisms, exercise beauty, body, pelvic floor or anything humorous or helpful.

Oh – I am happy to talk about my IVF/ breast cancer experience – ask away! Plus, I now know that being an older mum doesn’t mean your life goes on hold – it just changes. My biggest learning was not comparing my child to others – he did everything in his own time. Initially, I invested too much energy and worry in why he wasn’t doing things as fast as other children, rather than enjoying being in the moment. I’ve learned now that he is perfect as he is, and will do things at his own pace.

Rachael and Elliot
Elliot enjoying an ice cream

What an inspiring lady – Rachael you totally rock!

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A chat with Stacey

Meet Stacey, a 41-year-old mum of three children; Jade, 19, Nathan, 14 and Phoenix, 10-months.

Stacey

She lives in Derbyshire with her partner Rich, and they have been together for four and a half years. Stacey works as a supervisor and is currently on maternity leave, which she is totally loving.

She is a keen walker and enjoys running, which she’s hoping to get back into when she gets a bit more sleep.

She loves being a Mum again, especially because she wasn’t sure it would happen. Rich and Stacey tried for 6+ months to conceive and then sadly had a miscarriage. They were left wondering if that was their only chance and Stacey felt like she could almost hear her ‘clock’ ticking. Fortunately, just a month later, Stacey was pregnant again.

Below Stacey told me more about her experience of being a ‘geriatric mum’ so grab a cuppa and read on…

At what age did you have your first baby? 21

At what age did you have your last baby? 40

How did people react when you told them you were pregnant with your ‘over 40’ baby? I had lots of congratulations and people were generally pleased for me. I had a few people (that I barely know) ask if it was planned! I was shocked by the cheek of that question and found it very rude. I answered with a confident “Yes, very much so” but in my head I was like “it is non of your f#####g business!!

Stacey Pregnant with Phoenix, aged 40

Describe how it felt/feels to be an older (geriatric) mum? I love it! I feel wiser, I am more sure of myself and I am much more chilled than before. I truly relish every little thing my baby does because I understand how quickly time flies.

Stacey’s sound and supportive advice for other older mums is this:

Don’t worry about what others think of you being an older mum. I must admit I found pregnancy really tiring in the early days, but I kept reminding myself that nothing lasts forever. Pregnancy yoga throughout your pregnancy is great, because it can really help with the breathing part of labour and it helps to keep you calm.

Get as much support as you can from anyone, and do antenatal classes and get out there to meet other mums. I attended NCT classes and we have a whatsapp group that we chat on almost daily, we often meet up for coffee and there is even the odd night out – a must! My advice would be to read lots of baby books but only use the advice that feels right for you, enjoy your maternity leave and time with your baby and only go back to work when feel 100% ready.

Stacey and her beautiful Phoenix (3-months here)

Thanks to Stacey for sharing her story on geriatric mum, I am so glad that she had her happy ending after miscarriage. Do make sure you are following geriatric mum on social media:

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Lucy x