For years and years I walked around with low confidence and it stopped me living a full life. I was really horrible to myself, compared myself to others and I had no self-belief. My twenties and thirties were marred by my lack of confidence.
As someone who has been (mainly) self-employed for that last 15-years this is hard. It is hard no matter what your employment status is actually, hard no matter what your life is, too.
In 2016 I hired a female business coach to try and help me with my business. During my time with her, I realised that it wasn’t my business knowledge or my ambition that was letting me down, it was my lack of confidence. I felt compelled to figure out why my confidence was low and to change it. You see, I wanted more. I wanted to feel balanced, confident and together.
I spent six months reading, learning, listening, studying, understanding and working out what confidence is, what it looked like for me and how to grow it.
As I write this, I am 7-years on from that woman who berated herself. I run a successful coaching business, I can go live on national TV and radio and talk without wanting the ground to swallow me up, I can say No and Yes in the right places and I finally like myself. I now help others to work on their confidence and I started She Coaches Confidence a few years ago to support people who are holding themselves back, just like I was.
I am always asked for my top tips for confidence, but it isn’t as easy as that. Standing tall, wearing red lipstick or setting goals will not make you confident – I am not knocking those things, but low confidence is more deeply rooted than that. Confidence is a mindset and so working on your mindset is key. In the beginning it is about asking yourself questions.
Some key things to ask yourself:
How do I speak to myself?
What is my internal narrative?
Why is my confidence low?
What is confidence?
When my confidence is low, how do I deal with it?
Actually, I do have one tip for you. Buy yourself a paper journal – nothing fancy, an A5 lined book is perfect. Use a nice pen – my favourite pen for journaling is a LAMY fountain pen – and journal around those questions. Learn your mind. Understand the way you think. Listen to your intuition. Write your thoughts out.
Journaling is a key part of growing confidence. In the early days I used my journal on a daily basis, these days I use it when I am stuck or when I need to make a decision. I always encourage my clients to journal. It is one of the keys to confidence.
Please note that becoming more confident doesn’t just happen, it takes work, but the work is worth it if you want to have a better, more confident life.
Benefits of having confidence:
You feel less fear
You will be yourself
You champion yourself
Your work-life gets better
You will be able to make decisions
You respect yourself more
You will be resilient
Your mindset becomes positive
Parenting feels easier
Simply put – Life. Gets. Better.
I could talk and write about confidence all day. But, for now, get journaling. Get to know yourself. Tune into your mind, tune into your thoughts and see what comes up. What is your head saying?
Pen to paper and just write. Let me know how you get on.
Lucy aka Geriatric Mum
If you’d like to connect about working on your confidence – book a chat here