I just came to start a post, checked the last post and realised that I haven’t posted for FOUR MONTHS! Wow. Time really does fly.
Since my last post, my children have gone back to school – year 8, year 5 and nursery – and I am back working on my coaching business.
During the summer holidays, I was invited to talk about my experience of being an older mum on BBC Radio Wales and I shared how that in my forties I feel more in my groove as a mother than ever. I talked about how my priorities during pregnancy and motherhood changed over the years from when I had my first at 34 and my last baby at 43. At 34 I obsessed over pregnancy and baby books, bought lots of pregnancy and baby paraphernalia that was massively unnecessary and generally worried about things out of my control.
During my last pregnancy, aged 42, I took everything in my stride – including finding out that my unborn son had one kidney (more on that later). I talked on the live radio show about feeling much more in my groove as a mother in my 40s and caring about the right things, and not about what others think of me and how fashionable or not, my pushchair is. I feel comfortable with the stages and phases all of my children are going through, which applies to me as a mother, too. HRT is now a part of my life (more on that later, too!) and so is confidence and self-belief and the ability to not compare myself others – I did this a lot with my first two. This motherhood comparison begs the questions as to why we, as mums, compare ourselves to other mums? I did it an awful lot in my thirties. I had this sense of inadequacy and failure when I thought other mothers had their shit together and I didn’t. I was jealous.
Now, at 46 with a 3-year old, I don’t give a flying monkeys what others think of my parenting, my children or me for that matter. I have a trust in myself that enables me to feel grounded and it keeps me motivated – which my goodness me you need as a keeper of kids. It is hard, hard work. Hard, hard beautiful work.
How in your groove as a parent do you feel? Have you experienced a similar thing to me, or the opposite?
I will never profess to being a good mum, my god I get things monumentally wrong at times – if my kids ever read this they will be saying “hell yesss” or something equally street – but the one thing I know for sure is this:
No-one knows what they are doing. No parent has this parenting things all sussed out. I find that as soon as I get to grips with one thing, my child has grown and changed so much that it isn’t relevant anymore. Or maybe it is me that isn’t relevant anymore 😉
Oh there’s one more thing I know for sure too – try as hard as you can not to judge another parent, it is unhealthy to the extreme, and a huge waste of energy. You do you.
Lucy aka Geriatric Mum x