I was 45 and slap-bang in the middle of midlife and I felt like my world was caving in a bit. I was low, lost, exhausted and my body was changing before my eyes – identify with the word dumpy anyone? With three young children to look after, a freelance career to manage and a whole lot more (just normal-life stuff really which felt huge), I finally went to see my GP. I didn’t ask for a female GP, but I got one. We talked frankly about body, mind, soul, family-life, periods, parenting, energy-levels, work, children and relationships and it was just what I needed at the time. After a blood-test which resulted in normal hormone levels (really!?), we discussed starting HRT and I didn’t hesitate. Fast forward a few years and oestrogen patches and progesterone tablets have become part of my life, and no-one is taking them away from me anytime soon!
In addition to HRT, I have found a few other things that continue to support me on the daily and they might be of use to you too. Here goes:
- EXERCISE – I try to go to the gym 4-times a week to move my bones. I am currently loving the exercise bike, rowing machine and free weights. I am by no means an expert at any of it, but I love feeling stronger and more than anything it is time for myself which I fill with podcasts (The Louis Theroux podcast is my current go-to) and music. I’ve been flitting between Ibiza house-music playlists, The Beatles, Radiohead and Badly Drawn Boy. Above I talked about feeling ‘dumpy’ – well with carefully monitored HRT and exercise this has totally reversed. I am not on any crazy diet and with a history of disordered eating in my late teens/early twenties I never count calories. These days I value my body and just won’t go there for obvious reasons.
- BE THOUGHT AWARE – in the last few months I have been on a bit of an ‘awakening’ journey and have started to understand how much I was in my head and believing every little thought that popped in, or to put it more clearly – allowing those thoughts to influence and change my feelings. You may know that I am a confidence coach and because of this I had a whole set of ways to help myself (and clients) with my mindset; journaling and positive affirmations amongst others. Telling yourself positive things works for a time, but it isn’t permanent. It takes daily work. The difference for me now (and I help others with this) is that when you grasp that 99% of your personal thinking is bullshit, you can live more in the moment – which is where the beauty in life lies. It is a lot more than a paragraph or two, and I will share more of this on my insta account in the coming months. But for now: know that most of your thoughts are not real – when you start to grasp this life will feel brighter, oh and forget thinking about the past and the future! (more on this soon).
- LESS BOOZE – for those of you who know me, you’ll know that I used to love getting hammered. I still love alcohol and am not planning to stop ‘drinking’ any time soon – but the thing that has changed for me is this: I care more about my well-being than ever before. I have finally found my off-switch. I am not in-my-head any more and so value and enjoy booze and I understand it. I am nicer to myself. I don’t have a need to get wasted. My hangovers are okay (less negative thinking). I feel fully present and so make better choices.
- COMMUNICATION – I’m so strongly into communicating, sharing and handling things head-on. I am not always brilliant at this, but I try. I have always been a talker, but these days it is more than talking, thinking I can solve everyone’s ‘problems’ and loving the sound of my own voice – it is about sharing, learning, listening. Listening is the hardest one, but it is by far the best one. So, try to share your secrets, ideas, dreams and connect with those who get you and those who make you feel safe – and communicate (that means listening too) – it is beautiful when done well.
- GUT FEELING – sure you have read or heard ‘go with your gut’ – and my friends – this is the best advice you can have. In fact, the beauty of this is that it isn’t advice, and that’s the key. I read something the other day which went a little something like this: if you want to make the wrong decision, ask everyone for their advice. Yes! Make something amazing happen in your midlife years by tuning in to what you want and need. Ditch the ‘what are you wearing’ messages before you meet your friends for a night out (be you!), don’t think about what others will think of you, take a risk or two, flirt, smile, feel good about yourself (it is allowed!) and enjoy the privilege of life. I saw a silly little video the other day of a dog running round and round a field and the voice-over went like this: “We’re alive! We’re ALIVE! – we gotta go make the most of it, it’s a gift, we gotta go baby, we gotta get up and go – wooooo hoooooo!!”. Something hit home with me when I saw that. We’re Alive! Have you seen it? If not, search dog we’re alive videos and something should come up on IG or tiktok if you are cool enough to have a TT account.
- DANCE – my god does it make you feel goooood. As an ex-raver (think hot-pants and adidas gazelles 1992) I have dancing in my bones. Music and dancing is love, connection, happiness and confidence all rolled into one. I have a club night coming up soon and simply cannot wait – but the big Q: should I wear hot-pants again!?
- SOCIAL MEDIA – not sure if you need to read this (I do regularly) but social media will kill your energy. It happens if follow the wrong accounts. If you see something that makes you feel bad – unfollow! There are plenty of upbeat and friendly things on the socials but even then, be aware of how things that you consume make you feel. If You Wobble – Unfollow. Rules 😉
- 48 is GREAT! – I mean it. If you are not quite 48 and thinking wtf is my life coming to – please know it does get better. I am embracing midlife and am genuinely excited about what’s next. I can only think it is due to HRT, a quiet/clear mind and knowing that a lot of the daily grind is not that bad if we go with it and see it as a blessing. We all have ‘problems’ if we want to have them. If you are past 48 and still feeling meh – get down to the gym, start cycling, running or power-walking. OK, running is hard – I tried the other day and was shit – but you know what I am getting at. It is possible if you want it to be.
The above is not a ‘conventional’ list – but it seems to be working for me. I do realise this post it has been a be I, I, I, me, me, me – and I don’t want it to feel like that for you, but sharing my experience means it is hard to write otherwise.
Anything to add? email me if you have.
HERE’S TO THE GIFT OF MIDLIFE!
Lucy x
Instagram @geriatric_mum
